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| Who just ate yummy milk? The background was me moving in all my office essentials from the city to the home office. This was another item on the to-do list. |
I
confess … breastfeeding is the pits!
As I
anxiously anticipate the arrival of my son, this summer, I shiver at the thought
of sacrificing my
Apparently,
pumping, which provides the same exact nutritional value as does putting a baby
to a breast, is not actual breastfeeding. Um, go F*^% yourself. My daughter received
the same good stuff and I still had to work very, VERY hard to manage to
survive the five months of +Medela madness.
Sorry
all you judgmental peeps, including the nurses at the hospital that nudged me to
at least try to breastfeed because “skin to skin is so important for your
connection to the baby”. My boobs belong to my husband! I’m in for making the
milk, but the sucking part is coming from a glass bottle. We used Lifefactory,
in case anyone is wondering.
But,
I digress.
Breast
feeding, round two. Yah or Nah?
Yes,
breastfeeding / pumping is the pits. It was mentally and physically exhausting
the first go around. I didn't help the matter by jumping back into work (albeit
from home, most of the time). I even did a store appearance ten days after
giving birth. (PS It was the grand opening of NessaLee Baby in Livingston, NJ.
The store and the owners are amazing.) Oh, and I refused to get a nanny because
I was flush with energy, initially, despite being up every three hours to first
pump and then feed Ilana Rose.
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| L to R: Trying to look normal with +NessaLee Baby owners Jordan and Vanessa; with EXTRA Wardrobe Stylist Julie Kozak; with +Project Nursery co-founder +Melisa Fluhr |
Of
course, in keeping with my Always Be Your Best You philosophy, I did not walk
around the house looking like a hot mess. Before the 6am feeding, makeup was
applied, along with my post-partum, body-preservation creams.
Ilana
Rose was doing great. I was calm, so she was calm. We go into a great schedule
and in about 5 weeks or so she began to have wider gaps of “feed me” moments,
at night. I, however, was still up pumping out the goods.
My
brain was spinning. My body was flipping out. I felt like I was on drugs, and I've never taken drugs so really this was just what I assumed it felt like to be
drugged out. I remember telling my sister and husband that I felt like someone
was pumping helium into my brain because I felt foggy. Nothing seemed clear.
Then, one day, the sh&t hit the fan.
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| I used to watch her sleep a lot. I should have listened to my mom and mother-in-law and slept, as well! |
While
feeding my daughter, I attempted to sing her some songs. But, who turned off
the play list? I couldn't remember the words to anything! It was like a part of
my brain was gone. Over the next few days, I noticed that I couldn't articulate
my thoughts properly to anyone. And, then, the emotional madness hit. I couldn't control the tears. It was ridiculous.
Turns
out, I was seriously sleep deprived. I skipped a few pumps at night, but then
felt guilty because if you don’t do it you lose it! I tried to go on more walks.
I pulled back on work (although, not nearly as much as I should have!). Then,
my family stepped in and we got a nanny. The nanny cared for the baby, while my
mother cared for me. Ya, that’s how bad it got.
I
eventually decided to pump through the summer, use stored milk after that and
slowly transition into formula.
Yes,
breastfeeding is the pits. I had NO IDEA WHAT I WAS GETTING MYSELF INTO! It’s
impossible to breast feed, take care of a baby, manage your family and work the
way I choose to work without proper help. Even then, the physical demands of
being a milk factory are beyond comprehension to anyone who hasn't done it.
So,
here comes number two.
For those
who are wondering, yes, I plan to breastfeed my son. Oh, sorry, pump J. This time, I’m older (this
past year basically equals ten years!) and wiser. I’m taking off July and
August. My only work will be to be mommy. If the spirit moves me, I will blog.
That’s it! I plan to go for about four or five months, but I’ll take it week by
week.
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| My little peanut. |
There
is no denying that giving a baby breast milk is the best option. But, it’s very
personal. Given everything that I've shared, you can imagine that it’s not
something I can recommend. In fact, all I will say is this:
Do what works for your body and your family. If skin-to-skin is your game, great. If you want to pump into a machine and feed from a bottle, bottoms up. If you want to cabbage up your boobs (I’ll talk about that in a future post) and just do formula, fabulous. We shouldn't judge each other, because motherhood is a crazy job that we need to figure out and navigate as we see fit. And, of course, we need to do it with confidence, style and a little rough ;-). You knew I would say that, right?
