Mom Musings: Truth about Draining Breastfeeding Madness, Don't Judge Moms

Who just ate yummy milk?
The background was me moving in all my office essentials from the
city to the home office. This was another item on the to-do list. 

I confess … breastfeeding is the pits!

As I anxiously anticipate the arrival of my son, this summer, I shiver at the thought of sacrificing my sleep and sanity in order to feed him breast milk. I say “breast milk” because it’s been made VERY clear to me that I did not “breast feed” my daughter, last year.

Apparently, pumping, which provides the same exact nutritional value as does putting a baby to a breast, is not actual breastfeeding. Um, go F*^% yourself. My daughter received the same good stuff and I still had to work very, VERY hard to manage to survive the five months of +Medela madness.  

Sorry all you judgmental peeps, including the nurses at the hospital that nudged me to at least try to breastfeed because “skin to skin is so important for your connection to the baby”. My boobs belong to my husband! I’m in for making the milk, but the sucking part is coming from a glass bottle. We used Lifefactory, in case anyone is wondering.

But, I digress.

Breast feeding, round two. Yah or Nah?

Yes, breastfeeding / pumping is the pits. It was mentally and physically exhausting the first go around. I didn't help the matter by jumping back into work (albeit from home, most of the time). I even did a store appearance ten days after giving birth. (PS It was the grand opening of NessaLee Baby in Livingston, NJ. The store and the owners are amazing.) Oh, and I refused to get a nanny because I was flush with energy, initially, despite being up every three hours to first pump and then feed Ilana Rose.

L to R: Trying to look normal with +NessaLee Baby owners Jordan and Vanessa;
with EXTRA Wardrobe Stylist Julie Kozak;
with +Project Nursery  co-founder +Melisa Fluhr 

Of course, in keeping with my Always Be Your Best You philosophy, I did not walk around the house looking like a hot mess. Before the 6am feeding, makeup was applied, along with my post-partum, body-preservation creams.

Ilana Rose was doing great. I was calm, so she was calm. We go into a great schedule and in about 5 weeks or so she began to have wider gaps of “feed me” moments, at night. I, however, was still up pumping out the goods.

My brain was spinning. My body was flipping out. I felt like I was on drugs, and I've never taken drugs so really this was just what I assumed it felt like to be drugged out. I remember telling my sister and husband that I felt like someone was pumping helium into my brain because I felt foggy. Nothing seemed clear. Then, one day, the sh&t hit the fan.

I used to watch her sleep a lot. I should have listened to my mom
and mother-in-law and slept, as well! 

While feeding my daughter, I attempted to sing her some songs. But, who turned off the play list? I couldn't remember the words to anything! It was like a part of my brain was gone. Over the next few days, I noticed that I couldn't articulate my thoughts properly to anyone. And, then, the emotional madness hit. I couldn't control the tears. It was ridiculous.

Turns out, I was seriously sleep deprived. I skipped a few pumps at night, but then felt guilty because if you don’t do it you lose it! I tried to go on more walks. I pulled back on work (although, not nearly as much as I should have!). Then, my family stepped in and we got a nanny. The nanny cared for the baby, while my mother cared for me. Ya, that’s how bad it got.

I eventually decided to pump through the summer, use stored milk after that and slowly transition into formula.

Yes, breastfeeding is the pits. I had NO IDEA WHAT I WAS GETTING MYSELF INTO! It’s impossible to breast feed, take care of a baby, manage your family and work the way I choose to work without proper help. Even then, the physical demands of being a milk factory are beyond comprehension to anyone who hasn't done it.

So, here comes number two.

For those who are wondering, yes, I plan to breastfeed my son. Oh, sorry, pump J. This time, I’m older (this past year basically equals ten years!) and wiser. I’m taking off July and August. My only work will be to be mommy. If the spirit moves me, I will blog. That’s it! I plan to go for about four or five months, but I’ll take it week by week.

My little peanut.

There is no denying that giving a baby breast milk is the best option. But, it’s very personal. Given everything that I've shared, you can imagine that it’s not something I can recommend. In fact, all I will say is this:

Do what works for your body and your family. If skin-to-skin is your game, great. If you want to pump into a machine and feed from a bottle, bottoms up. If you want to cabbage up your boobs (I’ll talk about that in a future post) and just do formula, fabulous. We shouldn't judge each other, because motherhood is a crazy job that we need to figure out and navigate as we see fit. And, of course, we need to do it with confidence, style and a little rough ;-).  You knew I would say that, right?